I don’t really have much to say for myself in terms of my apparent leave of absence from blogging. Life has been busy, but hell, when is life not busy? I have made plenty of tasty meals that I’d be happy to share with you…if only I had managed to take more than a hasty snapshot with my iPhone before devouring it, if that.
I have been taking time for myself recently, trying to heal my relationship with the world. I have had a hard year, and a lot of it has translated into me feeling extremely disconnected with everything that goes on around me. Sure, I am here, I am doing my best, and I haven’t yet gone completely off my rocker…but lately, I have felt as though I’m not truly experiencing or processing anything. I noticed that I was having occasional moments of clarity in which I was overwhelmed with emotion — sadness about things that I have yet to properly process, amazement at my wonderful life, gratitude to all the people who make my day-to-day life bearable. These moments always came about when I was sitting quietly, on the porch watching the birds at our feeder, say, or closing my eyes and listening to music, or petting my cuddly Chandler. I decided I needed to fabricate more of these moments so that I could feel less frantic and disconnected.
In an effort to discover what exactly led to my worst feelings of disconnectedness, and found the internet and television to be the worst perpetrators. I am far happier and connected when I spend time outdoors and time in unstimulated silence.
Extra time taken to purify my mind means less time for blogging. I feel guilty, as I always do in this type of situation, since this blog is a project that I love and wish to cultivate. Maybe soon I will be ready to photograph and describe a bunch of tasty recipes or show my progress on my homemade Halloween costume.
Maybe soon I’ll feel like updating everybody about my awesome birthday festivities and other adventures that Sean and I have gone on (the bridge, above, and the ice cream, directly above).
But for now, I am going to continue enjoying my silence.