Everybody knows that spring is the season of change. Except that probably isn’t true, since spring doesn’t really exist in its one-of-four-seasons sense in most of the world, and, really, any season shift is a change. Actually, everything changes constantly – did you know that the you that existed in the past is gone? And I don’t mean this in the sense of having changed and grown as a human being. I mean the cells that make up your body are not the cells that used to make up your body.
Even though our lives are made of change, it seems we spend a lot of time and energy making sure that they remain the same. We crave stability. But stability makes for a boring life sometimes, and ignoring the inevitability of change is bound to lead to suffering (in the Buddhist sense of the word).
Mindfulness, being aware of the details of the current moment, and also being aware that the current moment is always moving, no matter how slowly, is something I have been working on for about a year. And this year has given me no lack of challenges to test my ability to be mindful. I have stalled and re-started more times than someone learning how to drive, but there is no denying that I have at least made some progress.
I suppose it is best to stop beating around the bush; I ramble now about change because change is my life right now. I have no sense of where I will be in six months. I have no job lined up and no sense of where I want to pursue a job. This is partially terrifying, but also exhilarating. I could spew clichés about the world and graduation and oh the places I’ll go, but really, all I want to do is climb into my life canoe and drift for a little while. That doesn’t mean I’ll be waiting for a job to come to me – quite the opposite, actually, once I get around to it…but I also don’t feel anxious about getting around to it.
The other big change, which I relay with more sadness than excitement, is that Sean and I have decided to part ways. There is no denying that we have had a special relationship, and that is something I will cherish forever, but, to quote one of my least favorite TV characters, “The sun has set on our day in the sun.”
And that’s really all I have to say about that right now.